Zombieland

Having been very lucky in going to see two films in the space of around 4 hours, Zombieland gets the praise, with it's gory, occasionally jumpy, and frequently funny outing.

The story is no different to any Zombie film that we've seen. A virus spread through America, infecting pretty much everyone, apart from Columbus, played by the awesome Jesse Eisenberg, Tallahassee, played by the brilliant Woody Harrelson, Witchita, played by the lovely Emma Stone and Little Rock, played by the sometimes annoying, yet amusing, Abigail Breslin.

Jesse Eisenberg is fast becoming the new teen comedy star, quickly taking over Michael Cera, who I don't think is any good anyway. And this film really epitomises that. He plays the all alone geek Columbus, just trying to get to Columbus, Ohio to find his parents, or rather to see whether they're still alive, or one of the undead. And his performance is superb, his simple visual jokes and his many one-liners are one of the many highlights of the film, along with the brilliant Rules that Columbus thinks up to survive a Zombie plagued country, and, surprisingly, the opening credits, which was just pure brilliance.

The zombies of this film are the zombies of 28 Days/Weeks Later. They're not dead, they're infected, and can run, rather than the typical slow zombies that stumble along. These running zombies are much scarier than your average Joe zombies, and really suit this film well, keeping the laughs and the constant on edge-ness of a zombie could run at you quite quickly anywhere keep the horror comedy going, and it's bloody good.

And, as every other critic has mentioned in every review I've read, but for those of you who don't know, there is a rather big cameo in it. It's a he, and it's easily the best cameo I've ever seen, giving me the biggest laugh I've had in a long, long time when in the cinema, since probably The Hangover, and that was months and months ago.

This film is just superb on so many different levels, and puts it, for me, on a par with Shaun of the Dead, Simon Pegg's brilliant British RomZomCom, or maybe even better. It's just awesome, it's not a classic, which is when I only give 5/5 (District 9 and The Hangover), but it's oh so very close.

8.5/10.

Oh, and always Check The Back Seats.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

The film that has the award for the weirdest title of a film I've reviewed so far. And, even though this film won't win any other awards, it was a satisfactory experience.

As you should all know, or you've all turned into hermits, this is Heath Ledger's final performance. His curtain call. His final shabang. And you'd've thought that this would be his best performance ever, even better than his Joker. Sadly, though this is a rather good performance, he doesn't live up to his Joker. But what his performance as the mysterious Tony shows is that Mr. Ledger really could've been one of the great actors of our generation, but he was cut short, and, apologies for the cliché, the cinema will miss him.

Anyway, soppyness aside, the film needs reviewing. The story is rather complicated. Dr Parnassus is an extremely old man who has this ability that is never really explained, but at a guess, his mind is extremely powerful and can make people walk through this magic mirror of his into they're perfect world, they're imagination really. Now, I'm going to try and avoid any spoilers, Parnassus makes a bet with the Devil to do with getting 5 souls and the first to 5 souls wins. The victory is something to do with Parnassus' daughter, but that is never really explained either.

So, the film is a confusing one, and not very self-explanitory, leaving the viewer to join the dots and come up to their own solutions to the many questions asked by the film. It isn't looking too good for Terry Gilliam's film, but on the whole, it's quite good.

The effects are excellent, especially when they go through the magic mirror. The acting is good, Heath Ledger standing out, however I found Parnassus' daughter exceptionally annoying.

To summarise, the film was average for me, we were expecting an epic, but sadly it wasn't.

6.1/10.

Up

Pixar is back to our big screens, and it's back with a...well, glide really.

Up is Disney Pixar's latest film to grace our cinema screens since the brilliant Wall-E last year, and my god I've missed Pixar. Pixar is so unbelievably imaginative and brilliant, that I just have to watch one of them every month or so. Toy Story is the clear favourite, but Finding Nemo and The Incredibles are extremely close. But, what really makes this stand out from the rest? Well, it's in 3D of course, and me being and avid film reviewer and cinema-goer, I decided to see it in...2D.

Don't get me wrong, 3D is really good, and I'm looking forward hugely to the December epic, Avatar, which will be totally in 3D. But there're some films that I really don't see why it's 3D. The Final Destination was in 3D, and that really didn't add much to the movie, even though it was poor, I didn't see the point of it. I think Up is much of the same. I was watching it trying to figure out where the 3D moments would be, cause I really couldn't see many. Maybe the title "Up" in the sky would've been 3D, and possibly the blimp and Kevin's beak would be 3D, but that's really about it. I'll watch a film in 3D, but only if the film was made to be seen in 3D, not just that it's available in 3D if you wish.

Now, to the film. The story is simple, an old man ties a million balloons to his house and floats away. And even that's brilliant in itself, but the story is so different from anything we've ever seen, and from the people who brought us Toy Story, that's an incredible feat. But, this film contains something Pixar has never done before - true sadness. Toy Story 2 came close with Jessie's song, but there's been no real sadness that do make you feel sad. After the first 5 minutes, there is a 5 - 10 minute montage, completely silent with a slow piano playing in the background. I won't give away what happens, but it really is sad, and it makes you feel for old Carl, who, on a side note, is an absolute spitting image of my Grandpa. And that's where the film really gets started, you feel sorry for Carl, and you will him on in every where he goes, him and his unintentional sidekick, Russell, all the way to their epic adventure through a South American jungle.

We all love those small facial expressions, the attention to detail, the real life-likeness of the whole thing. That's what Pixar is all about. It's CGI, but it feels so real, like anything can happen. And that really is what happened. Anything could happen, and I think that was it's slight downfall for me. I loved it, yes, but I noticed something's that didn't quite match up. Like at the beginning of the movie, Carl needed a walking stick badly, and was walking very slowly and tentatively. But as the movie went on, he started running around like he was 22. He was 76. Now, maybe that was the point of the film, to show what happens when you fulfil your dreams, but I'm probably looking to deep into things, but I thought that wasn't like Pixar. Pixar always do things spot on, and in Up, it wasn't quite right in my book.

Russell, for me, was the absolute star of the show. You just couldn't help but laugh or just crack a smile whenever you saw him, because he really was a comically brilliant character. His many one-liners had me laughing out loud, as usual, and I loved him, he was brilliant.

I love Pixar. They're just unbelievable. But, I don't think this film is as good as the others. Wall-E. Finding Nemo. Toy Story. Toy Story 2. A Bug's Life. The Incredibles. They were all better than this one in my book. You come out smiling, oh you do, and it makes you laugh, but they've done better. And seen as I recently saw another animation, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, given the choice, I'd take Cloudy.

7.7/10

Please Toy Story 3. Be absolutely wonderful.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

The latest animation that took my fancy was the Sony Production, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. It had a potentially very amusing premise, with animated destruction guaranteed, but the quality wasn't only in the animation, it was the wit, and voice acting that steals the show in this occasionally laugh out loud hilarious film.

The story? A wannabe scientist, Flint Lockwood (voiced by the always hilarious Bill Hader) creates a machine that can turn water into food, and, after an accident involving an explosion, Shamu the Sardine and Mr T, the machine shoots off into the air. The machine's water-to-food system reacts with the clouds, and in turn, making it rain food whenever Flint tells it to. And so, he soon becomes the town hero, but naturally, it doesn't go to plan, and destruction occurs.

I found it a very clever plot, and considering it was a U certificate, I thought it was very clever, and more adult orientated. The kids watching would be mesmerized by the falling food, but the adults would be captivatd by the plain-sight visual jokes, the hilarious lines and, more than anything else, the small visual jokes in the background that will take a number of views to catch every single one. For example, there are often short shots of different cities such as New York, London and Paris, and, in New York in particular, there are numerous billboards, and I could only ever read one in that space of time. But, I can assure you, there will be at least 5 jokes on those billboards.

Anna Faris plays Flint's love interest with apprentice-turned-weathergirl, Sam Sparks, and it's the weathergirls scenes that really steal the show. It's not Sam's jokes, it's that whenever she broadcasts the news, there is a ticker accross the bottom of the screen. The kids will be watching the film, but the mature audience will know that there will be an abundance of jokes just scrolling accross, oblivious to the kids, but often during those scenes, the children would be very quiet, but you could hear numerous adults laughing out loud at certain news stories, me included.

This is what I love about animation. Pixar often do background jokes, but Sony have taken it a step further, with there being something to see at every single moment in the film. You could argue that it's taking your attention from the film, but you just can't help looking around the screen at every person and every sign, hoping for a comedy gem that no one else notices.

The film's effects are nothing short of outstanding. This wasn't a typical animation, it wasn't so perfectly clean as films like Toy Story or Shrek, but that added to the character of the movie, and added to our main character. Flint was not the perfect guy, the animation wasn't state-of-the-art brilliant, but by not being brilliant, it was. They concentrated on the story-line, targeting every audience, and they hit the nail bang on the head.

Unfortunately, the film's second half wasn't as crisp as the first, concentrating on the tense moments of Flint trying to save the day, but that didn't really bother me. I'd spent so much of the first half laughing, that I needed a lull to calm myself down. An excellent children's comedy, that, I feel, adults will get so much more out of.

8.3/10.

Dorian Gray

A film based on a classic Oscar Wilde tale, that, it seems, is almost completely different to the book itself. So, we can say it's loosely based, or just used the title and the whole painting business, and filled the rest in with sex, drugs and rock and roll. Well, rock and roll is going a bit fair. But, sex and drugs take up three quarters of this movie to substitute the rock and roll.

I'm sure you all know the story. A man aptly named Dorian Gray travels to London to go back to his house. A painter paints Gray's "beautiful" face, as called many times during the film, and hangs it up in Gray's home. But, this picture is one of mystery and wonder. A painting that ages, rather than Gray himself. It's more a story of how things can get into a man's head doing many stupid things along the way, thinking he's absolutely invincible to everything, but in the end, this is his downfall. A plot so familiar, we don't realise that Oscar Wilde was the first to write such a story.

Ben Barnes plays Gray, the star of The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, in a role that is completely different to the Prince. A sex, drugs and alcohol addict, hell-bent on sleeping with every woman in London. Cue many pointlessly short scenes involving Gray having sex with a girl, Gray having sex with a group of girls, Gray having sex with both men and women, and Gray having sex with a mother and daughter. At least, I think that's what I saw. Over and over again. Oh, and there's even a short gay scene too, for good measure.

On the plus side, the film is visually stunning, with the incredibly designed Victorian London houses, and the stark colour contrasts from scene to scene - when we first see Gray's signs of madness, it is in his dark, mysterious house living room, scratching at the painting, and the next, a very bright, blue scene in another of London's many upper class Victorian houses, and the next, Gray is walking through a dark, dingy back street, looking for a prostitute to satisfy one of his many needs. This continued through the whole film, and it was something that struck me throughout the film.

However, the film was far too long. The story could easily have been told in 90 minutes, but the film stretched closer to the 120 minute mark, with half an hour of sex and drug scenes. The film's predictable ending was one of no surprise, and what should have been a powerful final scene to end on, the film suddenly shoots to another scene, in which Henry (Colin Firth) is on the phone, and says something about Agatha. God knows who Agatha is, but the scene remains.

4.6/10.

District 9

The idea behind District 9 is based upon new-boy director Neill Blomkamp's short film, Alive in Joburg, an idea strung up by Lord of the Rings legend, Peter Jackson. What happens when a rookie and a veteran combine? Well, quite simply, brilliance caught on camera. Observe.

The story is simple enough. An alien ship mysteriously stops above Johannesburg, South Africa, and aliens land on planet Earth. The Joburg'ians don't take too kindly to these aliens and segregate them from the rest of Joburg. And while making a case to move all of the aliens out of Joburg and into a new area called District 10, something, inevitably, goes wrong. Our main character, Wikus van der Merwe, gets infected by some alien "fluid" as they called it in the film. And the result of the infection makes him move to District 9, the only area where he will feel moderately safe, even with aliens living around him.

Special effects are an integral part of this film, with all the aliens in the form of CGI, and look absolutely breathtaking. First sighting of these creatures is one of bewilderment, seeing how strange and not-like-any-other-alien-ever-seen-before the creatures are. The tentacle like arms and mouths are brilliant, and their own language is one of total uniqueness. Evidently, months of work has gone into designing the creatures down to every last detail, and you will not be disappointed. They move like humans and interact like humans, which makes really warm to them through the film, knowing that they're not ravenous beasts of fury. For me, these CGI creatures are a real step forward, cinema wise. They almost looked real, it's the best special effects I've seen in a long, long time.

District 9 was shot with a mix of documentry-style interviews and hardcore action shots. They blended really well, and it was easy to figure out which were documentry and which weren't. The whole film was shot with "shaky camera", so provide a more realistic, in the action affect. Without this, I don't think it would've been as good.

Sharlto Copey is the man to take on the role of van der Merwe, and considering this was his first big screen lead role adventure, he's nothing short of outstanding. His character is a bit of a misfit, doing his best at his job, but never impresses anyone. van der Merwe is a character that you have to like, he doesn't do anything wrong, he's been wronged, so you immediately feel for him when he suffers the consequences of his infection. As the infection spreads, Copey changes van der Merwe into a character that wants to be cured to get back to his wife, and will do anything to get himself cured. A man hell bent on destruction to get his way. But you never lose faith, per say, in Merwe. He stays funny throughout, making comedy out of his luckless situation. But what is most incredible out of this new-boy actor, is that he improvised his whole dialogue. His whole dialogue, through the whole 1 hour and 53 minutes, with Merwe being in nearly every scene. Unbelievable. Surely this spells big things for this guy.

The films undertone is one that is obvious to everyone - racism in South Africa. In the wake of Mugabe's ridiculous rise to power over the past few months, District 9 proves that no matter who you are or where you come from, no one likes any major changes. The xenophobes that make up most, Merwe included, of the cast, and it's these films that make us realise that we really are, to put it nicely, kind of fucked up. And we need that sorted. District 9 points out what we all know happens, but don't do anything about it, worrying about what could happen as a result.

My only very, very, very minor gripe is the amount of swearing. Almost every Merwe line after around the 30 minute mark has a swear word in it, be it "fuck" or "shit". But, considering situation, what would anyone else do but swear at everything? So, on that basis, it won't affect the overall score.

To conclude, District 9 is a different, complex, funny, exciting, gory, and one of the best films you'll see in a long, long time.

A new-boy director. A new-boy actor. A new-boy movie. A new-boy runaway hit.

9.4/10.

(500) Days of Summer

Now, I'm not usually a man for soppy RomComs, but this one was different. This was that film that makes you feel good. This was that film that wants you to do something different. This was the film that I absolutely loved.

In the words of the narrator, this is a story of boy meets girl. But it isn't a love story. And that's exactly what it was. It didn't follow the predictability of most boy meets girl films. It's the film of boy meets girl that follows the true life script, rather than the happy-go-lucky script where everything falls together, something that was summed up perfectly in the "Expectations meet Reality" scene. Exactly what normal boy meets girl films are. Expectations. But this was a true, reality film, that broke the barrier and is up there with the best RomComs of my generation.

The film was beautifully shot, with split screens and the jumping back and for between the 500 days was a stroke of genius. It was so simplistic, so creative, so brilliant.

But this was more of a Com, than a Rom. Another way it defied all the odds of a typical boy meets girl story. The typical story follows the Rom, but this was the Com of it. Winning performances from the two leads, Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and Summer (Zooey Deschanel), made it the Com. You could not have put a better pairing on screen if they were a real life couple. It was as if they'd known eachother since they were small children, laughing and joking together like there was no tomorrow. But what makes the film is that neither of them are the typical "jock" or "cheerleader". They're the normal, shy ones that realise they're in love with someone because of who they are, not by the size of their penis/breasts. Bah, this review has gone all soppy.

The film was very funny indeed. A number of one liners made me laugh out loud. One particularly memorable line is "Roses are red, Violets are blue...fuck you, whore." That had me laughing. For a fair while, truth be told. Also, Tom's work compatriot-come-drinking buddy McKenzie (Geoffrey Arend) is brilliant, with at least 1 classic line in every scene he's in.

My only gripe of the film is that I was slightly confused by the goings-on during the leaping back and for, thinking that what went on at 350 days (just a made up day, I can't remember when I got confused) was contradictory to what happened a matter of days before that. Sadly, we can't all be perfect, but this was almost perfect. Almost.

8.8/10

The Final Destination 3-D

It's been a while since my last review, so here's my latest - a review of the (quite) popular franchise, Final Destination. Having seen the previous 3 - yes, this is number 4, despite the deceiving title - I had high hopes for the final installment (at least, I think it's the final installment) to offer scares, laughs and everything in between.

Unfortunately, I was disappointed.

The latest batch of misfits to be part of "Death's plan", were four teens, maybe 19/20 years old, a character who had no name and was just called "Racist", a mother of two children, the husband or boyfriend of a girl who dies in the best way, which is explained later, and a Security Guard. Nick, the unfortuante be-holder of preminitions, played rather poorly by Bobby Campo managed to get these 7 lucky people from a Speedway race, just moments before hell broke loose. The highlight of the film was the preminition itself, giving full use to the clever 3-D effects, with debris seemingly flying out of the screen (ironic, considering a later scene) from the race track, and spiky objects all over the stadium, impaling people left, right and centre, cars and engines flying into the crowd crushing the unfortunate mother-of-two and many people getting crushed by the collapsing ceiling. The highlight, however, was the first death in the preminition (a woman being be-headed by a tyre), and therefore the first real death of the movie, by, err, getting be-headed by a tyre, the first-preminition-death was the element of surprise, the first-real-death being the goriest death of the movie, with the addition of seeing the unfortunate woman's head and spine strewn over the floor.

Sadly though, the film never reaches the standard of the first preminition.

The following deaths were lacking in gore and scares to fully satisfy the onlooking cinema audience's need for scares. Probably the reason they came into the cinema to see it. Instead, they were treated to a film that was either intended as a horror, but surely failed, or intended as a comedy, but surely failed. It was impossible to tell which genre it was aimed at, with Nick, Laurie (Nick's girlfriend, Shantel Van Santen) and Janet (a friend, Haley Webb) taking it way too seriously to take it as a comedy. However, Hunt (another friend, Nick Zano) and George (the security guard, Mykelti Williamson) provide comic relief at a satisfactory level, with George having the most laughs after his attempted suicides which all failed, due to the fact that he wasn't "next on Death's list".

Overall, it was a film of a satisfactory level, brought down by the lame lead actors and actresses. But as the opening preminition is the best yet, I'll give it the most average of average scores - 5.0/10.

Orphan

In the midst of my jet lag induced tiredness, I decided to take the adventure down to the cinema to see a good film, and we (Adam, Sarah, Ffion and I) chose to see Orphan. And the result, one of the best horrors I've seen in a long time. Well, since Drag Me To Hell. The only horror to top Drag Me To Hell in my opinion - so far - is 30 Days Of Night, which I'm annoyed to discover the second installment of the trilogy will be going straight to DVD. Anyway, back to the review.

The story, as you could probably guess, is about an orphan named Esther, who gets adopted by the husband and wife duo of John and Kate after losing out on their baby. She seems perfect for them, she's polite and gets on with her adoptive parents' youngest (but not so much their oldest), Max. And she likes to be different, until unpleasant things start to happen, all revolving around Esther.

The films scariness comes from the dread you feel whenever you see Esther in a scene. Esther takes Max under her wing, by simply threatening her with death unless Max does what Esther says, which gets immediately irritating for the audience at how this 9 year old, Esther, can force a child as young as Max, who I guess to be around 5 years old, not to tell anyone what Esther's doing, forcing a number of audience members to groan in frustration as Max lies to her parents in fear of what would happen if she tells. One of the main strong points of the film is how much Esther angries the audience into hating this monster of a child.

Isabelle Fuhrman, Esther, played the demonic psycho-child brilliantly, as I said earlier, causing the audience to absolutely despise her, me included, and some actually cheering and clapping when Kate hits Esther near the end of the film. But, I must question the director for one scene in the film, Jaune Collette-Saume, for making an 11 year old actress try and seduce a grown, maybe 40 year old man, her adoptive father. That scene was insanely creepy and disturbing, but Fuhrman, has balls to do that.

Sadly though, only the kids are the other quality actors in the film, with John (Peter Saarsgard) annoyingly oblivious to the obvious insanity surrounding Esther and he's a sex freak, taking to having sex with Kate over the island in their kitchen and Kate (Vera Farmiga) is not a very strong lead actress, and generally being annoying.

Unfortunately, the film hasn't been reviewed very highly, with it only receiving 2 stars from 5 by Empire, but I will be much more generous and give it 6.9/10. A genuinely entertaining horror, recommended to everyone who likes horror films.

G-Force

This is going to be a short review as it really hasn't got much to talk about.

I'm not going to beat around the bush here and try and make it sound promising, but it was the worst film I've seen in a long time. The trailer seems really promising making me laugh every time I watch it, but the film is god awful. The humour is for children 11 and under (my brother thought it was really good, obviously), even though it's a PG which usually means older kids will like it too. But no. The humour was stupid, the characters were very stereotypical ("The mole is the mole!") and the acting from the real people in it is awful. The only redeeming factor was that Hurley (the fat one, obviously) made me laugh twice I think.

On the plus side, the action scenes were pretty good. But, err, that's it.

Truth be told, you'd probably get more fun out of watching the trailer for 90 mins than sit through that.

1.8/10. Just abysmal.